What if that unhappy couple answered honestly?

Excuse me, are you two a couple by any chance? Yeah. Would you mind telling us the story of how you first met? We met at a party and she fell for me immediately. Chased me for some weeks, and then eventually I thought, okay, she's not so bad, better than being alone, and we're married now.

Fifteen years in, what is your favorite thing about her? I love that she has no expectations of me. Like, I don't really have to show up for her, be kind, do any emotional labor. And yeah, she'll nag and complain and we fight,

but there are never any real consequences. Usually I can get out of it by either avoiding the conversation or promising that I'm going to change, which I never have to do. And I get a lot of status from this relationship, like being married with kids you're taking much more seriously,

and she used to be reasonably pretty and she's very successful in her job, so I can boast about that. She gives me a home and, every man wants to have a home, and I don't know how to give that to myself,

so I'm going to take whatever I get here. How about you? I love that he's my project. Like, I've been trying to change him into the man that I'd really love and that I thought he would be. And this way I can focus all my energy and my attention on him

and what he's not doing, what he could do better, and it perfectly distracts me from my own inner mess. Like I can project all my inner stuff onto him and still feel like the victim and superior to him and without having to change anything within me.

What advice would you give to a couple that just started out like you and also wants to make it to 15 years? Stick with the fantasy version you had of them at the very beginning. This way you perfectly avoid reality. Also make sure that both stay small enough in the relationship

and both don't like themselves enough that they would want to be with someone who really adores them and loves them. Then you don't have to worry the codependency will do the work for you and keep you together. Just make sure that you don't do any serious inner work