If feedback instantly feels like criticism this video is for you.

Some of you aren't going to like this, but if feedback instantly turns into you are always criticizing me, nothing I do is ever good enough. I can't get it right for you. That is not protection. That is shut down, wrapped in victim energy, most likely, because you cannot have a healthy relationship without feedback. Feedback is how intimacy grows. And let me be clear, constant harsh criticism is not healthy either. If the

only thing named is what is wrong, if appreciation is missing, if feedback comes as contempt or attack, that is not a if appreciation is missing, if feedback comes as contempt or connection. That is erosion. Healthy feedback is specific. It's relational. It's rooted in I want us to feel connected, not I want to win. And in a real partnership, there has to be room to say that

hurt. This pattern is not working for me. That is not an attack. That is an attempt at closeness. But here is what I see all the time as a licensed couples therapist. The avoidant partner hears even gentle feedback through an old

wound. So instead of hearing, I miss you, I need you, I want us, they hear you're failing, you're not getting it right, you're not good enough. And then comes the reflex, defend, deflect, deny, or flip it into, well, you're too needy, you're too much, or you're being too sensitive. And that is the part that quietly breaks secure

partners. Because after enough times of being told they are the problem for having a feeling, they start shrinking. times of being told they are the problem for having a feeling, They start second -guessing themselves. They stop bringing things up, not because they stop caring, but because it feels unsafe to try and to keep trying. So if this

is you, listen carefully. You're not broken. You are triggered. You are activated. The work is learning to stay present when feedback lands without collapsing into shame or swinging into defensiveness. Stay regulated enough to ask, wait, what did you need from me? related enough to ask, wait, what did you need from me right there? Because feedback is not the Right there. enemy. Avoidance is not the enemy either. Disconnection is. Feedback is how

love matures, how trust is built, and how two people evolve together. And if this resonated, follow for more relationship tools. And if you're ready to go a little deeper, I have a couple of resources for you. The link is in the bio.

I have a couple of resources for you. The link is in the bio.